Afraid

It's been more than 2 months since our home was invaded by an unwanted intruder who followed me home one night with the obvious intent of finding me alone.

I shiver to think of what would've happened that night had Tripp not been home; had the man been armed; had God not surrounded us with an army of angels.

As the time has gone by, I've become so much less afraid. But on the nights Tripp is at the station and as the sun sets, my anxiety sets in. Most of the time I'm okay. I have Psalm 4:8 imprinted on my brain: "I will lay down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety." I repeat this verse, outloud even, when I go to sleep.

But going to sleep is sometimes hard to do. On the nights Tripp is not home, I find myself staying up much later than I should. Even now, at 12:30am, my eyelids are heavy, but I don't want to lay my head down on that pillow until I know that I'll fall asleep instantly because I don't like laying in the dark silence, feeling vulnerable. At least when I'm awake, I'm on alert. Ready to push my panic button on my alarm system or dial 911.

I don't like pausing and looking everytime I hear a "bump in the night".

Another verse that I really like and have memorized is another Psalm. It's Psalm 91:10-12, "then no harm will befall you. No disaster will come near your tent {home}. For He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. They will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone."

Anyway, I know that my fear is not of God and I need to tell myself what I tell Ryan whenever he is afraid, "Scram, devil!!" And pray that God would fill me with His peace.

I guess I'll go to bed now.